| LTC was amazing and so fun.
I haven't had that much fun in so long.
Despite the infested rooms and the dirty silverware and lack of hot water, the conferences were fun and just hanging out with the key club group was fun.
Bobby Petroceli is such a good motivational speaker and I was really inspired by his stories.
Sophia appointed me Committee Chair for Projects and Fund raising committee so I have a lot of work to do.
We're also going to teach everyone the Beaver Song and the Key Club Pledge.
I'm so excited about key club next year.
I hope I play a big role and help Sophia and Jammie and everyone.
(:
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| I am so sick and tired of this crap.
I hate arrogant people and they have been arrogant beyond belief.
I hate that they are sensitive when people insult them or their people or their country
but it's okay for them to be rude and disrespectful to others?
it's okay for them to act like assholes and be condescending?
of course it's not. why would you ever act like that.
I hate that they are loud too.
Worse of all, I can't believe you actually find it okay.
I hate that I'm made out to look like the asshole when really I'm trying my hardest to be the best person I can be.
I hate that you are accepting with his arrogance but you are repelled by any attempt I take to be a better person.
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| Nothing much to say.
Seems like I'm slacking off a bit... this happened last year too.
I hope my average doesn't dip down below the 90's.
I got into AP Psych, AP US 1 year, Journalism, and Spanish for Professions.
Next year is going to be hell if I don't work my ass off.
Otherwise things have been okay I guess.
CLP and Potluck are two of the things I really look forward to.
I can't wait till Dcon... it's going to be so much fun.
At least now I know what to do.
I just need some closure.
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| I feel like this vacation isn't going to be fun at all.
Too much homework and lack of plans contributes mostly to that.
At least we're talking again.
But I doubt it's going to go anywhere.
Especially if you don't try.
I give up.
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| I'm decently happy with my grades although I think I could've done a bit better.
I've been feeling a bit stressed lately.
All along I've had this idea that I can try to be a leader by leading groups like Key Club and CLP.
And I haven't really doubted my ability to lead because in the end knowing that you care enough about these groups and where you can take it is almost like a driving force.
But lately people have been doubting it and questioning it more than ever.
Even my good friend who I've never really had a conflict with said that I was simply not smart enough to be CLP coordinator.
That shouldn't have affected me whatsoever but I took it to heart and felt the effects of it.
There it goes again, I thought. It's simply amazing how many people can doubt you.
Many people tend to use it as a reason to become successful: proving doubters wrong.
But at that moment I was overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness and inadequacy; like I couldn't be a leader because I wasn't smart enough or social enough or vocal enough.
Losing the Key Club elections also hurt my self-esteem a bit because even though I lost by a few votes, inside I knew Jammie deserved it more than I did and that made me question my ability to lead once again.
Now I'm stuck in my head wondering if I should even become a leader in the first place.
While I'm on the subject, there's also a lot of burden to be someone when you're a leader.
All these people that lead clubs and community service groups are so established academically and socially.
All these people who are my friends are headed to colleges like Yale and Columbia; perhaps even better.
If I were to be a leader like them, I don't think I would be able to get into those top-notch schools.
That makes me wonder if I'm even established enough to be a leader because when you're a leader, you become almost like a role model of some sort.
And I'm not any of those things, so I really don't know what to think right now.
To finish off this entry, I guess I'm happy I've thought about you less and less everyday except when some things are hard not notice.
Hopefully I can erase you from my head altogether... one day.
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